Time Out

imageCommunication plays an essential role in relationships, and couples should strive for effective communication. Because you are talking, it does not mean that you are communicating effectively. Silence does not mean that a couple is not communicating because non-verbals play a major role in communication. Each partner should make a point to listen and validate their partner’s feelings. Effective communication means both partners have an opportunity to share their ideas and opinions without anger, aggression, and attitudes.

When things start to get heated, it’s time to halt the conversation. Unfortunately, it is less likely there will be a resolution to a heated discussion. A heated discussion can compound the existing problem, because couples do not think rational when emotions are high. A heated discussion can lead to using words as weapons. Thus, it is likely that one or both partners will walk away emotional wounded. Couples need to recognize when they need to take a time-out. Taking a time-out can be very essential for the health of a relationship. However It’s imperative that the couple revisit the discussion after cooling down. Hopefully, the couple can approach the discussion more rationally once they have had a cooling down period.

What happened to the love?

rosonja-heart-2What happened to the love? We were inseparable and we enjoyed each others’ company. It was like a fairy tale come true because I had found my prince and I was his princess. Unfortunately, my dream and love affair has come to an end.  Our love has lost the spark and I think that I married  the wrong person.  We are constantly arguing.  Each week brings a new argument and the arguments are more explosive. We are screaming  and using vulgar words. What happen to the love?   This is totally confusing because we are arguing more than we are loving. This must be a mismatch.

Arguing does not mean a marriage mismatch but it indicates a lack of skills. Often, couples  enter the marriage with poor communication skills; therefore, they do not know how to have healthy arguments without diminishing their partners self worth. Couples can argue and still love and respect each other but they must develop effective communication skills. Effective communication skills does not mean that your relationship will be problem free.  Effective communication means that the couple will be better equipped to deal with difficult situations.

There are several resources on how to improve communication. These resources are  valuable but love is the most notable. Couples must remember that they are on the same team and they are not fighting against the enemy.  Most importantly, they must remember the love during the difficult moments. Let love guide your communication. Forward Steps Counseling can assist you and your partner in rediscovering the LOVE.